You say you love it when I smile,
You say it not in a way that makes me tingle with joy
But in a way that brushes my soft unharmed hands with thorns
Instead of getting butterflies that make me blush
I get a lump in my throat
That rushes tears in my eyes
Tears that are too scared to spill
I still turn red
But no one ever asks why
For they just love to assume
Than to hear raw sentimental words in a cracking voice
Like I always have to stretch my lips to earn your love
To twinkle my eyes for you so you can gawk at me
For I am just beautifully carefully and safely oppressed
Trapped by my own craziness for your love
That’s only ever half earned according to your ridiculous criteria
I am never awestruck with your compliments
For they are an indication of your possession over me
Possession that I can break from any minute
But don’t because of this obscure idea of love
This insane idea of bonds we have formed
As if my lips are only yours to kiss
To consume
To find comfort in when you’re rattling a storm
I stay quiet

For I am afraid I’ll never find a mouth as caring as yours
Or hold hands as delicately engaging as yours
I am afraid to run away
For if I do I won’t scream

I’ll roar