An Army Waiting Ahead

Of all the pretty scenarios
The only one playing in my head
Is of the day I see you again
But there’s an army waiting ahead
It’s powerful and frightening
Their hearts pumping with vengeance
And souls burning so harshly
That all you see reflecting in their eyes are flames
But they forget that our fires may be quieter
And our flames less visible
But our love as strong as their anger
And our hearts as brave as their swords
For all we dream about is climbing a jungle gym
Our hands brushing in some far away land
But there is an army waiting ahead
That thinks we will blindly follow

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Will

How are you getting ahead in life? Is it with ease or with difficulty? Does it come naturally or does it require a lot of effort to move ahead? Is moving ahead simple for you or is it filled with complications? Whoever you are, where ever you are, the world keeps spinning and people keep moving forward. But the question that I am posing here is that Are you moving forward with the world or is it moving without you? To some, this may seem like a very idiotic question because of course they are moving forward. They are eating, sleeping, and working at the right time. So they are obviously moving ahead and more than that they are excelling. They are the ones who are doing it right. And may I say doing it effortlessly. But then to some, this may come across as a wakeup call, for you guys aren’t doing things at the right time. It doesn’t come effortlessly to you and you are falling behind. You’re lagging.

Relax right now because it happens. Breathe because you haven’t done it in a while. It’s often in our lives that something comes in our way and we are unable to move past it. It’s often that we find ourselves stuck. We can’t move ahead, it is like a vacuum is sucking us in and stopping us from going forward in life. Like the rollercoaster never goes up again. Like it’s a never-ending downhill to hell. You’re either shattered, miserable or just numb. Whatever the case may be, you are unable to do things that are required in order for you to move forward. So what should you do? What can you possibly do that will make a change? And what are the things that you need in order to make a change? These are some relevant questions and the key to getting out of your situation lies in solving them. But this recipe demands a secret ingredient. And that ingredient is Will. Not positivity, not power but will. I mean determination, dedication, and commitment.

Now you’re probably going to ask me that how are things like determination and commitment possible when everything is falling apart. To clarify, I am not talking about overdoing things or even working hard. What I am talking about is starting with little things and taking baby steps. I know, even I hate that phrase “baby steps”. But you have got to start somewhere and what is wrong with starting off easy. So, I am going to reveal my biggest secret to overcoming depression which is getting out of the bed. Yes, you heard it right “Get Out of that Bed!!!”. When you get out of your bed, you have already won half of the battle. You have already punched “excuses” in the face. And I don’t mean getting out of the bed at 12 or even 10. I am talking about getting up early in the morning at 6 or 7. And having the will to not climb back in and face the day will literally carry you miles.

Now all that is left to do is kick ” excuses” out the door. However, this may be a tad bit slower than the first process. What you need to do first is set aside 30 minutes in your day to do something you love, it could be reading, writing, dancing, basically anything. Then you have to make a to-do list in order of importance. So basically do the most important task first and then keep going. I know to-do list seems like an ancient method but right now you need to get things done quickly, so stick to to-do lists. Then when you sit down to actually do the task, divide it into parts, do the part you like first and move on from there. I know that you can google any of these methods and find them on Youtube. But these three steps are really important. My one tip while doing your favourite thing later in the day, so if you don’t complete your tasks you don’t get to do this. Let those 30 minutes be a reward.

So now that you have kicked “excuses” out the door, let’s make sure your doors are locked so it doesn’t re-enter. You can do this by being motivated. So listen to uplifting music, keep doing your thing and always remain inspired. Because without inspiration things start becoming dull and you can get bored easily. And the key to being inspired is being around good energy, so read more book and have as many deep conversations that you can have. Also, remember that you always need to believe in yourself even when no one else does. And remember if you think you can and if you think you cannot, you’re right.

Not Sure Where Home Is

So, I am homesick. Yet, I don’t know where home is. Is it where all my friends are, oceans and continents away from the place I was born? Or is it carved in the bricks I say I own? Bricks that entrap me inside these four walls of a place called house. And there are more and more walls. Some you can see and some are just imaginary. But don’t let the word “imaginary” fool you. These imaginary walls, these so called borders are deeply carved, no man dares to question their existence. To think you can erase them is utter foolishness. Then why do I feel like the noise inside of me is whirling in these unfamiliar sounds, in languages I don’t know. I feel like a refugee in my own land, in my own soil. I fell suffocated, it’s like I wear a rope made out of these walls.

I guess what I want to say is that I miss my previous college. I miss the people and the vibe. Sometimes, I’ll go to the extent where I even miss the weather. But mostly I miss this idea of knowing that I am working towards accomplishing my dreams. But to be fair, and in all honesty, I wasn’t able to work towards even accomplishing my daily tasks. I’d let things like depression and anxiety win most days. And when I tried to get my life together it was already too late. But I did fight and I did try. And shouldn’t that matter? Shouldn’t that be valued? Sadly in a world where we live it doesn’t matter how the battles are fought, it only matters when the battles are won. But this battle that I am fighting doesn’t have an end, it can’t be won, it can only be fought. Actually it can end, but that end is gruesome, there is blood and there is a blade, always a blade, always a battle ending in blood and in vain.

Let’s stay away from the blade. To all you depressed souls “STAY AWAY”. There’ll be rainbows, many and many times, it’s my promise to you. But what I need you to understand is that there’ll also be a storm before that, for that is the nature of this battle. It’s just life and sometimes things don’t go the way we want, doesn’t mean you let go of the wheel. For in time, it’ll happen, the rainbow will emerge out of the darkest cloud. The waves will calm down and dolphins will reappear. They will dance in front of the prettiest pink skies. And the sunset will only hold the promise of yet another beautiful day.

I guess now my goal is to move past this obstacle and move forward. Even though moving forward requires going back a little and changing things, being in control of my own ship. Steering it in the direction I want it to go. Though accomplishing this requires overcoming current obstacles, I’m positive that I’ll be able to do it. All I’ll need to do is talk and convince which don’t seem worse than situations I have already been in and out of. So at this point I’m not so powerful that I can erase borders and make every place feel like home. But I am strong enough to go back to the place I love and to make my dreams breathe again and to accomplish daily tasks, to have a routine. I feel ready and unstoppable.

Cowardly Love

Darling, though you never show it in your actions,

Nor hint it in your careful chosen words,

Your love for me is still embedded in your eyes,

Deeply buried and unspoken.

Yet, that love means nothing to me,

For love that is not shown,

Is not love at all.

So, may you keep it buried in your heart,

Later, drill that regret in your mind,

And take all your silent secretive love to your grave.

For in your coffin, it will silently remain,

Never to be heard of again.

Monsters

They see your smiles light up their empty lives,

And think you have forgotten all your sorrows.

They hear your laugh echoing in their silent houses,

And can’t ever again imagine you being miserable.

They notice that you are mixing with the crowd,

And try hard to believe that you aren’t lonely any more.

They finally realize that you are happy with your life,

And can’t even dream of you being broken.

They sleep while snoring loudly in their massive king-size beds,

For cosiness, they need nothing but comforters and blankets,

Never forgetting the pillow underneath their huge empty heads,

Not seem to notice the emptiness on the other side of the bed nor care.

They sleep to haunt and haunt to sleep.

Together they walk and together they kill.

They wear precious heavenly jewels,

But inside their hearts are made of harsh stone.

In a place of a soul,

All they have is darkness,

Nothing but complete emptiness,

Still, they think they are the brainiest.

All they radiate is the ugly green colour of jealousy,

Yet, they are the friendliest people you see every day.

But in this living nightmare that you call the reality,

They are the vicious monsters haunting you with their cruelty.

Cold Love

It came in with the winter,

It was cold, dark, and beautiful,

You claimed it was love,

Somehow I loved all of it.

The cosy couch near the fireplace,

The snow and the snowflakes,

They all were like Christmas to me.

How can someone not love Christmas?

My gardens were decorated with snow.

Somehow snow overshadowed the beauty of everything else.

Time passed by and the season changed,

It was the sweet spring.

There were new buds turning into flowers,

There was the sun and the sunshine,

The pretty butterflies were dancing again to the tunes of the birds,

Somehow even I couldn’t stop dancing to their tunes.

And there still was love.

Time passed by and the season changed,

It was the moody summer again.

There were fireflies heating everything.

The tree branches balanced too many fruits.

The sunlight brought in other birds and insects,

My world was full of sound,

Somehow the sound overshadowed my voice.

And there still might have been love.

Time passed by and the season changed,

It was the wise cruel rain,

It washed away the memories,

The drops cleared the disillusions.

Thunder came and all the pieces fell,

Lightning broke the puzzle apart.

Somehow I managed to control the flood.

And there was no love.

It came in with the rain.

It was wise, cruel and harsh.

I would love to claim that it is ‘Reality’,

It showed me that winter had done enough damage.

There were cracks in my windows because of the cold.

These cracks didn’t let me see what your love did,

It killed the butterflies I knew,

They danced differently than the ones Spring had brought.

I caught a cold and I am still working with the remedy.

Such a cold season would never harm me again.

Somehow I won’t let snow overshadow anything else, ever again.